I’m 31F and genuinely believe I’ve met the person I want to spend my life with. I love my boyfriend deeply and he has so many of the qualities I’ve always wanted in a partner.
My concern is his financial instability, but not because I need his money. I’ve supported myself since I was 17 and built a successful career from the ground up. I’m confident I can take care of myself, and I would have no issue carrying more financially during a difficult period.
What scares me is what trading is doing to him.
He earns well over $150k but has accumulated a significant amount of debt through trading. I’ve watched the same cycle happen repeatedly: losses, panic, regret, promises to change, and then eventually getting pulled back in. He can lose days watching charts, and when things go badly, I’ve watched him completely break down. It’s heartbreaking.
I’ve tried to support him through it, but at times I’ve also become the emotional, and occasionally physical, outlet for his stress. I know that isn’t acceptable regardless of what he’s going through.
This is especially difficult because stability is something I’ve spent my entire life fighting for. I left a difficult home at 17, worked multiple jobs through school and sacrificed much of my 20s to build a career. I eventually worked my way from an assistant role into senior leadership at a nationally recognized nonprofit.
During this relationship, though, I allowed the constant conflict to consume too much of my life. There were nights we argued until 3 or 4am before exams, interviews and major workdays. My school and work suffered, and I ultimately lost my place in my degree program and was later fired from my job.
I fully own my choices there. I should have protected those parts of my life better. But I also can’t ignore the pattern.
He had a very different start in life: his parents paid for college, he was able to travel after graduating and he now earns a very good income. Yet he still lives at home, doesn’t own a car and has accumulated enough debt that building a life together would be difficult right now.
I don’t resent him for having had opportunities I didn’t. What I’m struggling with is the thought of spending another decade in survival mode after working so hard to finally reach some stability.
The confusing part is that I still want him.
I’ve offered to help financially and he has never asked me for money. He has actually taken on more debt before asking me for help. I even allegedly opened a brokerage account trying to help him because he is
so desperate to trade his way out of this.
I don’t think he’s using me. I think he’s desperately trying to fix a problem in a way that may be making it worse.
So how do I stay in this relationship while letting him work through this himself? How do I support him without enabling him or becoming responsible for fixing his finances? I don’t want to lose someone I love, but I also can’t let this consume my life too.
TL;DR: My boyfriend earns a high income but has accumulated serious debt through compulsive trading, and it’s taking a major toll on his mental health and our relationship. I love him and want to stay, but I don’t know how to support him without enabling him or sacrificing the stability I’ve worked my whole life to build.
submitted by /u/SpiritualGiraffe8403
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